Edit : Okay, the post goes public because I just don’t care much about anybody else reading it.

Dunno what exactly do I want to write out but I’m so much confused these days that I have to pour out my thoughts, even if just to structure them a bit. Not that they have anything structure-able in them anyway. It’s all just a hazy dazed feeling I keep having these days. As if there’s something I want but I can’t seem to reach out to it. Something’s holding me back, whether it be culture, fear, pride, or just the rational side of my brain. And then there’re things I simply want to run away from and not give a look behind. But the sucking fact is that they are much faster than me – damn easy for them to catch up. -_- There’s so much out there to do, and there’s so much I want to do. But when I try catching up with some of it, I feel as if the life I’d been living for the past year or so is one I will never be able to live again. And it’s a part of my life I know I’ll never be able to forget. I discovered so many things – some amazing, some crap – but it was all so much worth it. A life free of any worries, just living as it is. Though I know it’s a wrong usage of the phrase. ._. Anyway, that wasn’t what I wanted to talk about at all!

So coming back, I think I jump into friendships quite fast and easily. Maybe I should stay back and observe the person a bit more, rather than regret later. It’s not that there’s some problem with the involved person, it’s just that I don’t get along much with those kind of people. I don’t have a problem if you’re amazingly emotional, but I do have a problem if you’re annoyingly emotional and don’t realize it either. It’s as if you can’t really behave socially if you’re troubled over something. I mean, after living for more than eighteen years in this society, how can you not realize its ways of working and deal with them yourself? What’s with all the incessant whining over every little instance of going off the track? Why bitch about every third person in your life, just for the heck of it? That’s some attitude I really can’t stand, and somehow, I have come across quite a few such people in these past few months. I understand if you aren’t being your normal self due to some upsetting reason for a while, but for this thing to drag on and on, with your problems becoming inter-mingled and more complicated – shush, seriously dude, I’m not interested. Period. Why would I be? Rather, why should I be? I’m here as a friend, I get that. Doesn’t mean I solve your troubles. Doesn’t mean all you do is whine before me, expecting me to magically erase out all your worries. Hey, I’ve got a life of my own as well. And as much as you think otherwise, everybody has their work and life on a priority. And hell, if I don’t get my work done, it’s gonna come back to me double. So it isn’t simple for anybody. But even then, have you ever heard me whining blatantly about something? And if you have, just how rare is it? Get a clue from it, maybe? I’m not you, and I don’t lead your life. You do that, so take care of it by yourself, damnit.

Now I’m really inclined to make this post public so that some of the said people might get a peek to what I truly think about them, and hopefully, that will burst their little bubble of stupid hope. The stupid hope on which they seem to spend their lives. See, this is why people dare to call lives as petty. Because you just might be living it that way and you never even realize it. Lol, in retrospection, I’m kinda bitching a whole lot as well, but again, it’s entirely my fault that I’m in such a predicament today so can’t really blame anyone else for it. That’s why I kinda miss the past year; there were never any such problems because I didn’t associate with such personas anyway. And the ones I’m still in contact with are amazing people by themselves. People who have really got something to gain my respect to such levels. *_* Don’t wanna write about them in such a foul mood right now.

So this is it for now. Got to sleep as I can feel a headache coming, and it’d be better if I’m in bed before its arrival. And to celebrate the posting of the first private post of this blog, I dedicate to it the lovely song – In  Memories ~ Kotowari – from Rurouni Kenshin, Tsuiokohen OVA.

G’night!

Edit : Now that I’m making it public, the dedication goes to my first bitchy post, lol.